This is how I stay real

"Why write these stories, then?...
I want to be real."

- Five Years, Fifty Stories by A.C. Esguerra

I put myself through daily practice because I want to be real. Blogging, drawing, meditating, these are all aids to tether me to the world.

When I carry out these practices with diligence, with devotion – I have evidence that I am real. That I am here. That I am alive.

The evidence is in the transformation of self: it becomes a ready check for beginning the day. Sometimes it takes me just a few hours to get ready to invite the day in. In times where I am enduring troubling emotions, it can take the whole day.

It is time-consuming. It is challenging to maintain daily practice if you prioritize being busy and productive in the modern sense. Sure, self-care and healing can be a full-time endeavor. But I do value fun, making new memories, and being responsible – these daily rituals allow me to show up for all of it with a higher success rate.

To be able to embrace the day – along with the joy and the sorrow that come along with it – requires something of a trained clarity, a compassionate heart, and a patience that won't quit. Well, if it's not obvious, I still have a lot of practice to do.

In fact, I'll be practicing my whole life.

Like A.C. states in their post, it is a kind of strangeness to feel unreal. To feel disconnected, isolated, dehumanized.

It is also equally valid why many of us feel this way when we're constantly drowning in adulthood, rectifying our traumas and doing our best to prevent new ones, and somehow presenting a brave face for our loved ones and those who depend on us.

And perhaps this is why so many of us feel unreal these days. We're not just processing our individual wounds, but absorbing the collective trauma that permeates everything.

There are unthinkable atrocities happening politically, nationally and globally – it's a miracle that we keep breathing anyways.

We keep trying to find a way to squeeze in goodness, to have hope for better days and still work towards a sense of safety and wholeness.

This is why I write. This is why I practice. This is how I stay real.

Thanks for being here.

Sincerely,

Nadine of the New Moon ♥