I will not relent: making routine sacred again

How do I approach my daily blogs with the same sacredness of when I first started?

Whether you're traveling somewhere new or attempting a new activity for the first time — everything feels heightened. You become more alert and aware, taking notes of possible ways to fail, and tracking what results in success and leads to more competency.

So why is it when I reach the middle ground — feeling just adequate enough at a new skill — that I lose the fascination. All of that heightened attention and care silently fades into the background. When my brain has adjusted to something as 'normal' through continued engagement, it no longer is a 'quirky interest'. Thus, the brain scrambles to replace it with a new quirky interest.

I recognize this pattern all too well thanks to my ADHD and neurodivergence. Some concepts come to mind like "shiny object syndrome", "novelty-seeking behavior", "special interest rotation". I've cycled through yoga, meditation, Pilates, sound healing, herbalism, Filipino culture studies, live-streaming, gaming, the Small Web, ceramics, digital art - each starting with this intense electric fascination that eventually dims. It's wild how I make something my entire personality for a few months (or years) and suddenly I'm seeking something brand new — something exciting and fresh.

But what if I refuse to let go of this daily blog thing out of sheer spite? I want to build discipline especially when the dopamine no longer hits, because I believe it is the key to learning more about my true self. There is an inner part of me that is imprisoned, shackled away that only disciplined action can finally release her. I choose daily blogging because it is, in a hard-to-follow way, a documentation of my becoming. Writing daily is a dedication to exploring myself and what I am capable of through daily diligence.

When I have the stakes of publishing publicly, it holds more weight and chances of accountability than private journaling offers. Vocalizing and witnessing is an important part of this process to me, because I have kept my voice private for too long and I'm afraid I'll whisk off into nothingness without anyone knowing the real me.

For long-time readers of my daily blog, I name the imprisoned self as this terrifyingly powerful being within. This being has been suppressed by decades of masking, overlooked in attempts to fit in. To belong. To be socially acceptable.

And I realized last night that I want to unmask because it overshadows my peace. If I'm constantly analyzing the environment and the room to gauge how to behave appropriately, everything feels so high-stakes that letting the terrifyingly powerful being within roam freely and express herself authentically often feels like a risk I cannot afford.

But this translates to a lack of self-trust, a separation of self; to defer to what society deems as best. We need community and society to survive (and ideally to thrive), but they cannot always know what is best for the individual because they are a collective being not a singular being. So how can you choose what's best for you until you know yourself?

That's where I'm landing at now — through my daily blogging efforts, the daily abstract doodling, the self-exploration and reflections, studying psychology and spirituality as they apply to my own experience. As a tarot reader, I understand that each card is reflective of human consciousness and experience. Each card has a different significance but they are all necessary to reflect a full picture of what's possible out there. Thus, whether I am a major arcana like The High Priestess or a minor arcana like the Two of Pentacles, the deck wouldn't be complete without my unique expression.

The terrifyingly powerful being within is a necessary card - essential to completing both my personal deck and the collective one. Without her, I'll never see the full story my cards are trying to tell. And through this journey, I'm certain I'll unlock even more cards that will make my personal deck more comprehensive, wise, and nuanced. Anything that I develop for myself becomes informative and supportive for the collective. As above, so below.

And this is how I inject sacredness back into my daily blogging practice in real-time. Through direct yet gentle questioning, re-connecting with my 'why', and after reflecting on the recent ceremony that felt hollow rather than held. It reminded me that intention isn't just about what we say we're doing, but how we actually show up. This contrast acted as a wake-up call, it clarified what I want my daily practice to embody: genuine presence rather than performative spirituality.

So in sheer spite of my dopamine-chasing brain, I will not relent from this daily blogging practice. It is sacred and whole-making. Without it, I know I would be worse for wear.

Thanks for being here,

Nadine of the New Moon ♥