I am that I am

Until recently, I was under the impression that gaming/streaming and spirituality/mental health were incompatible.

When I started exploring my spirituality and how it is interconnected with my mental health and well-being, I was fearful that the gaming culture and the 'norm' wouldn't approve or understand my journey.

It's no surprise — I deal with rejection sensitivity, especially after being targeted both offline and online for various forms of harassment, abuse, misogyny, racism, (you get the idea).

Part of me knew I stood out like a sore thumb, yet it is natural to want to fit in the pack. In fact, your odds of 'survival' (in this case, socially) are higher if you blend in with everyone else. Predators and power-hungry people are looking for easy targets, like how hungry wolves look for vulnerable prey – the deer that stick out as weak, vulnerable, or exposed.

Being online in the capacity that I am happened to feel both dangerous and important. I have been through series of both – there are accomplishments that I'm grateful for and scenarios where I wish I never was as vulnerable and trusting as I was.

Needless to say, due to trauma of these experiences, my spirituality felt incongruent with my gaming persona. Even though I have been an advocate for mental health for as long as I can remember, the language around spirituality felt taboo. Foreign in a Western world and mocked and laughed at.

But fear was making my decisions for me, and that didn't feel right anymore. I was exhausted trying to fragment myself for the sake of algorithms and palatability.

I'm really glad to report that my recent Twitch gaming streams has changed my mind about gaming and spirituality. Everything can be intermixed and connected and soulful; the only requirement is people who are willing to build the bridge.

If I built the bridge between these two passions organically and authentically, who's to say that others won't? I'm not so special that I alone would come to this conclusion. Surely there are more like-minded folks who believe the same.

Now I realize I can do both – I can do it ALL. Anything and everything that is genuinely exciting, helpful, essential, and peace-making for me can be and should be included in my work.

I know people might prefer separation – different branded accounts to have the ability to follow their specific topics of interest. Maybe I just can't contain all my multitudes in specific, neat boxes. If that's the case, why attempt to force myself?

Like you, I am multi-faceted and capable of acknowledging that nuances exist in each individual. Each person is a planet with their own ecosystem, own relationships, lived experiences, and knowledge that paints a different-than-mine but ultimately beautiful picture.

So I will do my best not to shrink myself or my worldliness into solely bite-sized, easy-to-understand content or personas.

I am that I am.

Thanks for being here.

Sincerely,

Nadine of the New Moon ♥