Get up a thousand one times

Showing up for commitments is important. It frames that person as being reliable and dedicated, determined to get the job done.

So what are the permissible reasons to postpone, cancel, or quit a commitment?

I question this for today's daily blog, as I am absolutely suffering and on the lowest of low in terms of energy. There's a multitude of reasons that I find myself here today – I'm still struggling with a flare-up in my health and personal matters are shifting the environment around me. I sniff some big changes on the horizon that may or may not derail my momentum entirely.

Even when I'm getting better at minding my footing, walking the path can often be like trekking into the wilderness. Sometimes you surprise a skunk and win the prize of its spray, or accidentally step into a steaming pile of shit. Today is a day where I happened upon both fun missteps.

Despite this, here I am on writing on my daily blog. This silly challenge of writing and publishing every day hasn't slipped through my hands yet. Feeling poorly right now actually reduces this self-pressure – I don't have to set higher standards for this piece because I simply don't have the energy to do so. What a relief!

Now comes the question about my TikTok Live stream. Yesterday, I posted this TikTok video announcing my streaming schedule. Less than 24 hours later, I am already regretting it. Not because I don't want to stream, but because I can feel my resistance kicking in – the same resistance that's kept me from doing the thing I actually love.

I've avoided exploring the reason for that resistance – and posting that video was my attempt at biting the bullet to shake me into action in the midst of a functional freeze. The equivalent of taking myself by my own shoulders and shaking myself awake. But now that I've said it aloud, it is unshakable – I need to find a better format for how I want to run my live-stream spaces.

What am I hoping to accomplish with my tarot readings on live-streams and how can I build a structure that uplifts that? My compassion-led heart requires a compelling reason to uphold commitments (or else they inevitably get dropped). Part of me thinks I'm not cut out for live-streaming, but then I think back to my first streams in 2013 where I loved nothing more.

There is this tenderness toward streaming, and I often reminisce about going back permanently. It's up to me to explore why I have so much resistance to doing the thing I want to do so badly. Certainly this is a very relatable conundrum for fellow creatives and entrepreneurs, but I still find it worth saying.

In life, you'll get knocked down a thousand times on your quest for fulfillment. The point isn't to lament how hard you fell – it's to get up a thousand and one times.

I'll be hosting a short TikTok live after I publish this post because I'm trying to show up to my commitments. (Better late than never, right?)

Thanks for being here.

Sincerely,

Nadine of the New Moon ♥